


Costs and Choices

by Chocolatephysicist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode Tag, Gen, Gen Fic, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-22
Updated: 2011-05-22
Packaged: 2017-10-19 16:42:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/202982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chocolatephysicist/pseuds/Chocolatephysicist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Episode tag to 2.04, Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things</p>
            </blockquote>





	Costs and Choices

Silence hung between them as Dean stared down over the mountainside, his face turned away from Sam. Sam had hoped that the things building inside Dean since their father's death would finally give way--he'd expected violence. He'd expected rage. He'd never expected tears and Dean begging in more than words alone to know if Sam could say anything to make things alright again.

"Back in the hospital, when your heart stopped," Sam said at last, very quietly, "when I thought you were dying, I thought I'd die, too."

Dean lowered his head, still not turning to look at him.

"You're all I've got. You're all I've ever had, man," Sam said, tearing up as well.

He cleared his throat and swallowed hard because he had to get this out.

"All my life, you've taken care of me. You're my brother; you're my best friend--hell, you've been father and mother to me most of my life--"

"No, Sam--" Dean said, bringing wet eyes to him at last.

"Yes, Dean," Sam said, refusing to let Dean stop him now. "I loved Dad--I did--but you raised me--"

"Sam--"

"Shut up, okay? You wanted to know what I could say, well you're going to listen--"

Dean looked away again, back down the mountainside.

"I'm glad you're alive. Every day--no matter how nuts you've been, no matter how much of a friggin' jerk during this tailspin of yours, no matter how much you've scared me at times--I'm glad you're here."

Dean just lowered his head again to stare at his hands.

"If you can't be happy for yourself, be happy for me that I've still got you in my life--I need you, man."

They were both silent a moment. "At the cost of Dad?" Dean asked at last, still not looking at him. Sam could still hear the tears.

"We don't know if that's what went down, but, if it did, maybe that's the choice he made," Sam said, quietly.

"Don't you think that makes it worse?" Dean asked, a choked sound in his voice. He got up from where he had been seated against the hood of the Impala to take a few steps away toward the point where the mountainside dropped away. "If Dad sacrificed himself--"

"For his son?" Sam said, interrupting him, getting up to follow, stopping just behind Dean. "For one of the two people who mattered most to him in the world."

Dean turned to look at him again, his eyes red, his face wet.

"We're all he had left, Dean. After mom died, we were all he had left of her, too."

Dean just stared at him.

"You're all I've got now, all that's left to me of Dad and Mom both, all that's left of our family-- I need you, man. I love you. You matter to me. I'm glad you're alive."

"Sam--" Dean began, the choked sound even worse--and Sam did the only thing he could think to do. He grabbed Dean and dragged him to him even as the pain spiked in his broken hand, startled suddenly to realize how much bigger he was than his big brother--Dean always seemed so huge to him, so much larger than life, the biggest thing in Sam's world, what had always stood between him and every dark thing they'd ever known.

Dean's entire body stiffened--he just couldn't do this; Sam knew he couldn't do this--then he went with it, both hands tightening almost convulsively in the back of Sam's jacket, dragging Sam down with him as his knees gave way and they went to the ground. Sam held to him at the edge of that drop from the mountainside, and Dean cried, giving in to what had been building inside of him since their father's death.

Sam cried as well, not for their dad or mom, for he'd shed his tears for them already--he cried for Dean, for everything Dean had never known, everything Dean had never had, everything Dean had given up, never asking for anything in exchange except the chance to keep the family together.

Sam had not been asked to make the choice between Dean and their dad, but he knew the choice he would have made. He knew.

He knew.

**Author's Note:**

>  **Feedback always appreciated**
> 
>  **Beta:** Many thanks to LdyAnne for the beta. It is very much appreciated. Any errors remaining are mine alone.
> 
>  **Disclaimers:** Supernatural certainly doesn't belong to me. No money made.


End file.
